I wanna give up...

I don't wanna love....
I don't want another break...
 I don't want to see another guy with his arms around you....
I've given her so many chances, but it never changes....
The other day at the fair.... I couldn't handle it anymore.....
I tried to jump in front of a truck.... The driver braked... I was knocked over with only a bruise on my hip...
I ran after the accident back to the fair.... Making excuses to go back to the darkest spots and smoke till I couldn't feel any air.... 40 to 5... In one day....
The blood I promised never to drip again.....
The sheets of my bed have never been so red....
Thrown to the back of the closet that no one ever goes in...
I love her... I shouldn't...
I've been warned so many fucking times....
Why don't I fucking listen....?
I'll be with the ever lasting darkness soon....

Love and anxiety. Terrible chemistry.

I've found the girl I have a true feeling for. Through ups and downs it's finally settle between me and her, but nothing can ever be perfect in my mind with all the fucking anxiety that haunts me about the possibility's of past events occurring again and bringing me to my demise again. I love her. I can't say it enough. I truly do.. Is it bad? Is it good? I find the feeling intoxicating. Fuck...