The love of my life. Brooke.

"I've always thought love was nothing more than a fantasy in my mind, but over the years of complete hysteria I've found you and yet at such a young age, that in my mind I've never imagined dying without you"- Me

Another sleepless night...

The night. It stares me straight in the eyes and obliterates me into pieces.
If I've ever had a weakness I suppose it's sleep and love.
I was thinking. Of this girl. Blonde hair. Lost soul.
Confused. Not good publicly. A girl I met in a peculiar place.
Almost like a better place for her, but then again a hell-hole is never fun.

I remember that white snowy day.
I took.... A glance...
You seemed scared.

Across the room with your black striped skin tight sweater.

I wondered.... Who is she?
She was beautiful.... In grey.

That girl later changed my life.
Left the hell-hole before me.

We got close. She was.... Something else.
Played that acoustic guitar with small hands.

I remember the day she got blood all over her new sweatshirt.
Haha.

Good memories.....

She's gone now...
In a far off distance.

If she was ever to see this...
Yes, it's me. I miss you.
Contact me?

Oh... That fuckin word. "oh". Always overused.
Haha.

Another sleepless night.

I wanna give up...

I don't wanna love....
I don't want another break...
 I don't want to see another guy with his arms around you....
I've given her so many chances, but it never changes....
The other day at the fair.... I couldn't handle it anymore.....
I tried to jump in front of a truck.... The driver braked... I was knocked over with only a bruise on my hip...
I ran after the accident back to the fair.... Making excuses to go back to the darkest spots and smoke till I couldn't feel any air.... 40 to 5... In one day....
The blood I promised never to drip again.....
The sheets of my bed have never been so red....
Thrown to the back of the closet that no one ever goes in...
I love her... I shouldn't...
I've been warned so many fucking times....
Why don't I fucking listen....?
I'll be with the ever lasting darkness soon....

Love and anxiety. Terrible chemistry.

I've found the girl I have a true feeling for. Through ups and downs it's finally settle between me and her, but nothing can ever be perfect in my mind with all the fucking anxiety that haunts me about the possibility's of past events occurring again and bringing me to my demise again. I love her. I can't say it enough. I truly do.. Is it bad? Is it good? I find the feeling intoxicating. Fuck...

Echo's

I don't know how to write poems. Nor do I really care, but the echo's in my head about my past, future, and present haunt me saying I'm gonna end up in a shithole. I love one girl and I don't know if it'll end well, but damn it... I can't help the pounding feeling I have in my chest every time I hear her name. I could indulge in her soft arms when she hugs me and kisses me into a world where there's no worries and the worst thing could happen is scrapping your knee. Oh.... How I hope this time it's different... Anxiety pushes me to the wall and holds me there. The men in my room at night don't seem to ever leave no matter how big the dose. Leaving my town for another hell is to much. I can't deal with another hospital. I've been to too many. Two faced people I wanna watch them fall to there demise, but then again who am I to talk. Going back to the self medicating drugs I would do all the time doesn't sound like a good way to co-op. I can't deal spending hours high on something just to later regret everything. Powder to the nose doesn't sound bad, but god... It's fucking hell.... I have to face with everything somehow while anxiety attacks me angerly. Hopefully she'll help me. I can say I'm happy now, but to an extent.

I hate this band

Everything was great in the beginning(Everything usually is). The day I forgot to play a song in front of 6 people that wouldn't care in the world if I sucked at guitar and you go and tell me I'm horrible and make me tremble in your presence. Making me shed tears and break down? Did seeing me cry bring you some twisted pleasure?
You fucked me over so bad once and I do one thing you deserve and I'm seen as the bad guy?! Knowing each other since we were born mean anything? You got me into everything I am today. Do you hate what you think you created? I can't ever be good at something. You have to be superior.... I could never tell you that I hate you in your face because you with your sick past of anger would send me to the emergency room. I'm a nice guy, but you've done to much.....